I have a dog ...

Actually, I have had dogs for the last 14 years. Before we had children, our two Labrador retrievers were our kids. After one of our original labs died, I gave in after walking past some “free” lab puppies at the ballpark. Little did I know this would be the most expensive “free” investment I have ever made. The boys named the dog “Clifford” – Clifford the little black puppy. Sounds cute, harmless, fun, doesn’t he?

As it turns out, by Lab standards he is small, somewhere around 50 pounds. But he is a lean, tenacious, chewing machine. The problems started early. With our two old dogs, we had a door cut into the garage, and they simply used the garage as their dog house. Allowing Clifford to roam resulted in chewed toys and tools. I quickly erected a fence that limited his access to a very small area near the door. Unfortunately, that area included my tools. Even though the tools were located in some plastic drawers, Clifford was able to pull out and mangle the drawers, access the contents, and chew through the cords of my power saw, drill, soldering iron, and cordless drill charger. He has chewed up the fence, every food and water bowl we have tried, towels, pillows, TV cable (yes, we called the cable company not realizing it), telephone cable (caught this one early enough), and attempted the main power line coming into the electric meter.

We have also had a constant battle over the termite stations that are located around the exterior of the house. Cayenne pepper and lemon spray have not solved the problem, though cement stepping stones over the stations seem to have worked. He recently ripped the external dryer vent off, even though it was made of aluminum.

This week I was on travel, and upon returning, I went out in the back yard to see the dogs. When I opened the door, Clifford tucked his tail and ran. This usually indicates something new has been chewed. My wife said “I think I know what it is …” - it was the gutter. He managed to pull down a 10 ft. aluminum downspout.

My first Labs stopped chewing (for the most part) at about two years old. I hope I make it that long with this one - 9 months to go!