Memories of a Booger and a Donkey Hair

Each year as a part of the pre-school my children attend, they have participated in alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving themed school programs. My youngest has succeeded in making the Christmas programs particularly entertaining. The programs are only about 20 minutes long and are comprised mostly of songs with a few spoken parts mixed in.

Two years ago, Ben was an angel … that is, he was dressed up like an angel. This was his first time to have wings, and he didn’t get along with them very well. Throughout the first part of the show, he was wiggling around and bopping the nearby children with his wings. Fortunately for their sake, he developed another problem – a pesky, hard to get booger. For fifteen minutes, he tried to dislodge it. He tried the one finger approach, the two finger approach, even the body wiggle, but without success. Finally, as the program neared the end, he got it out, looked at it, sucked it off his finger, and swallowed it.

This year he was a donkey … that is, he was dressed up like a donkey. His costume was a hood with long donkey-like ears and lots of fur. He did a fantastic job! He sang at the top of his lungs, to the point where I could distinguish his voice from all the others on the program video, and he sang his special part beautifully.

“I said de donkey aw shaggy and brown.
I carried his muver (mother) up and down.
I carried her safely to Beflaham town.
I said the donkey aw shaggy and brown.”

Everything was going great until he got a donkey hair in his mouth. He proceeded to wipe his tongue with his hand, then wipe his hand on the floor, then wipe his tongue on his hand again. This process was repeated several times, but it seemed that he was only adding more foreign objects to his mouth rather than taking them out. So he started to spit on the stage. One of the kids nearby started wiping the floor with his boot – and scooting away from Ben. After three or four spits (he was on the front row) he managed to capture the attention of the audience and the on-stage teachers. One of the teachers handed him a tissue, so he stuck in his mouth and started rubbing his tongue with it. This caused the tissue to disintegrate in his mouth, adding to the problem and causing him to spit again. All the while he was continuing to sing. After he finished with one tissue, he handed it to a teacher for a replacement and spit some more. The second tissue didn’t seem to do the job either, so he finally just stuck the tissue in his mouth and gave up with his hands. Fortunately, the play quickly ended, and he only had to sing one song with a tissue sticking out of his mouth.

There are lots of parents whose kids did things perfectly in the play … I’m thankful that mine made it something I will never forget!

Show them no mercy!

One of the hot Christmas gifts this year is a kit that allows kids to build their own Star Wars light saber. I know this because both of my kids got one (we celebrated Christmas over Thanksgiving weekend this year due to scheduling requirements) along with many of their cousins. Needless to say, there were some epic battles that took place - George Lucas would have been proud!

These light sabers not only came in multiple colors, but also provided the ability to make a double light saber - 8 feet of solid plastic. I'm not sure who came up with this idea, but I'm pretty certain it was not a parent of young children. Eight feet of light saber inside a house is a terrible idea (thus the banishment of this configuration to outdoors). In fact, I think the real thing would have been a better option - at least then any objects that got hit by the "blade" would instantly vaporize and there would be no mess to clean up!

As my oldest son prepared to go outside for a war with his cousins, I jokingly said "Show them no mercy, son". He responded in all seriousness "Don't worry dad, I always go for the body instead of the sword!" Hmm, not quite the response I was looking for.